Oh, the infamous adoption "Wait". We completed all the paperwork, checks were written (yikes!), our home was inspected and our backgrounds thoroughly checked. March 16, 2010, all was approved and now we wait. We wait for a potential birth mother to go on our adoption agency website. We wait to fit certain "criteria" when she calls the agency that would prompt them to send her a hard copy of our profile because we may be a good match.
Okay, this won't take long! Steve is adopted, we know his birth family, and I am a teacher so people will see I love children. The first few weeks we checked our email constantly. Waited for the phone to ring. Then calmed down a bit, tried to settle in and just live our lives as they were (ha! totally easier said than done).
Five months later we get an email from a potential birth mother. It was the morning of Steve's birthday...perfect! It's fate! It's a sign- because everything becomes a sign when you are waiting. We email her back and go about our day, checking our email every ten minutes, but never hear from her again. A little bummed but it's okay, we move on.
We have to believe everything happens for a reason. Shortly after we heard from this birth mother a close friend of our passed away, exactly around the time the baby would have been born. Obviously we would have made it through somehow, but I like to think the universe was giving us the proper time and space to grieve and nurture ourselves without having to nurture a newborn at the same time.
So months go by and we hear nothing. We have Google Analytics linked up to our adoption agency page, a page all about us. Analytics is both a blessing and a total curse. It can reassure you when you see that ten people looked at your page today. It can also make you lose your mind wondering who was looking and why. For a while we looked often and then not at all. Still couldn't tell you which is better.
On January 3rd we got another email from an expectant mother. It was on my mom's birthday-another sign right?! After two brief back and forth emails we never heard from her again.
It was right around June of 2011 that I actually had my first real meltdown about the whole thing. I had several pregnant friends around me and while I was absolutely thrilled for them it still stung just a little. I was very good at not comparing my life to others and avoided feeling sorry for my husband and myself...except on this particular weekend. I just lost it and cried for two days. It had been over a year and we still weren't parents. I avoided my friend's son's first birthday party. It wasn't the children I was avoiding the conversations that started with, "How's it going? Any news? It's been a long time. It must be hard." On a normal day I love talking about adoption. But I was feeling far from normal. So after two days of feeling really sad I snapped out of it and moved on. I've never been one to wallow and my sweet hubby took excellent care of me. It is the total unknown of "ifs and "when" that make waiting so incredibly hard sometimes. How do you wait for something so intangible?
One weekend in early October S and I were at various functions with different groups of friends, many we hadn't seen in a long time. Everyone wanted to know how the adoption process was going, how it works etc. We were in a really positive space and it felt really good to talk about it. S & I both said a few times, "We feel like something is going to happen soon. We are really putting it out in to the universe now.
In the two weeks before this I had two separate dreams that a man called and said, "A birth mother has chosen you. She will be calling soon."
That Monday we got a call from our adoption agency that there was an expectant mother who wanted to talk to us, but she wanted the agency to tell us her situation first. The next day we received a very put together email from the expectant mother, K. We were so excited, yet cautious. Something in our guts thought this all felt right though. We talked on the phone a few days later and wow...I don't think I could put in to words the immediate connection we had. So began the next part of our adoption journey that would completely change our lives in so many unexpected ways.
I am a proud birthmom in a very very very open adoption journey, our son was born Aug 23, 2011. I gained a huge family the day he was born, and I am so grateful for them, bc his a.mom has a special kind of unconditional love for me and makes sure to show it and show me how much she loves our son. Grateful tht she allows and wants me involved in everything that happens in our sons life.
ReplyDeleteI also remember the connection with her I had our first call....it was clear to me she was his momma when we spoke. First and only family I looked into. Grateful for that connection bc I have such a great new extended family now. And we too had a lot of "signs". I kinda chuckled when u said everythings a sign in adoption.....so very true :)
I look forward to hear the rest of ur journey, as I hv become very passionate about open adoption, in my opinion if everyone was like us then the whole world would adopt! J/k! But less birthmoms would suffer if more involved and less adoptees would resent, feel bitterness and wonder why as they grow up. Thanks for shareing with me :)